“It is far easier to talk about loss than it is to talk about love. It is easier to articulate the pain of love’s absence than to describe its presence and meaning in our lives.” Bells Hook 2000
Understanding love and living it is more than just getting in contact with the concepts of vulnerability and having the courage to show up, feel, and work things out; it is practising them even when they feel so scary. Being in love and loving someone is nonetheless one of the most challenging things I have done in my life; dealing with all these feelings, thoughts, and past traumas, discovering one by one, and analysing them to truthfully acknowledge my way of loving has not been an easy process. Facing the fear of abandonment, dealing with the thought of not being enough, or thinking that I was always too much, that the love I much craved did not exist, and even more, healing my relationship with men have been part of that progression into curiosity, of genuinely knowing myself and shouting out the outsiders’ voices.
I define the happiness that love brings as simple as living in peace and getting into a place that, while taking me out of my comfort zone, also provides me with a safe space to be sincerely myself, with all the bad and the good. A place that I can consider home. What is love if not that place where you can one day feel empowered and about to take the world, and the other day, feel the misery and frustration of the daily routine and still be loved and accepted without the need to prove your value or to search for approval and acceptance. A place where you are just you, and that is enough.
When I came across the heading of this post in a book I am currently reading, I felt as if those words were speaking directly to me. Since I am experiencing love and how it builds between a couple, I decided to write about how love feels for me nowadays, with all the healing and consciousness about what it takes to love someone. It feels like embracing, without fear, a journey of vulnerability, embracing the other without idealising them, the positive and the negative, and looking at each other with compassion; it is building a safe home with honesty and freedom. It is the construction of a secure attachment.
Love unexpectedly entered my life like an earthquake. I wasn’t searching for it. Instead, I focused on valuing my friendships and enjoying the fulfilment of spending time alone and with the people around me. I realised I had chosen to explore solitude when I left my home country. During this journey, I focused on understanding myself, nurturing my curiosity, and being compassionate towards my decisions. I recently realised that the best gift I can give myself and others is to honour the process of developing the necessary tools to become a better woman in all aspects. Love has come into my life to enhance this process, and I’m learning to embrace the process of loving and evolving as a woman.
I needed to emphasise solitude because it has been a tremendous lesson. I have deepened over the last years of my life on being comfortable with solitude, not alone or lonely, but in solitude, and the fire that arises in me from realising that everything depends on me and on following what makes me wake up every morning. Solitude, for me, has signified a work in progress around self-love and self-esteem. It has brought me to the point where I feel the blessing of being alive and able to experience the smallest details of existence with all my senses.
Notwithstanding, while I take care of my solitude spaces, I am also learning how to love genuinely, making and answering a million questions: why my wounds feel touched and how to react to the triggers that take me to those painful moments of my traumas. Why do I believe this or that, and where do those beliefs come from? How are those feelings showing in my body, and how am I transiting them? What am I expecting from the other, and why am I giving him the tremendous responsibility of my expectations? What is my responsibility? What are my needs, and how should I communicate them? How should love look? And even why am I in this hurry to prove my value? Why? If your authenticity makes you unique; and love flourishes from two people being themselves, vulnerable, human, and compassionate.
Love is, for me, the journey of self-discovery because your partner, if you make love mindful, is your most potent mentor. What this person wakes up on you is the path to healing and growth. Love is passionate and caring, and it is my daily reminder that giving the best of me and all the love cultivated in me since I was in my mom’s womb will never be wasted. For me, in this specific moment of life, love is, without doubt, the route to becoming a better version, to keep being curious about my thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, to personal development, and to bring my best to my relationship.
I understand why it is said that love is a decision. Yes, it is a decision because it takes commitment to give yourself, with all your sweet disposition, to another human. It involves connecting from the divine, the soul, and being on your personal development expedition in conjunction with another’s journey. Love feels secure, sincere, and at peace once you have accepted that it is happening now, with no anticipations. It brings freedom, and it feels at ease when there are two people working on themselves to be better people all around.
Talking about love and how it is experienced should not be directly related to romantic relationships. Recently, I have been experiencing an awareness of the love of all the people who are part of my life and becoming conscious that when love is lacking in a place, it is usually abundant in other ways. It is just a matter of looking around and appreciating how love is demonstrated in many ways. Even though I can’t avoid rejection in certain situations, and the feelings it brings are sometimes beyond my control, I also realise that feeling unseen and unloved can be an opportunity to work on healing my childhood wounds. I’ve come to understand that sometimes, the pain comes from my past and not from the present. I am now an adult responsible for caring for my inner child. Yet, I am all into being with someone who can support me in my journey and who I can support on this rollercoaster that’s called life.
What is love? It’s the giving of all your senses to admire how a couple evolves, learns, and challenges each other. It’s the passion, the caring, and the connection that fills you with fire and light.
Words that need to be spoken. 